wat i wished

Freewill..

2011-05-02T12:41:00.001-07:00

asmaan ke kinare khade hain yoon hi,
aaj girne ko jee chahta hai..

pairon ke pankh bandhe the kabse,
ab khol ke udne ko jee chahta hai..

khayalon ko roka tha zindagi ke darr ne,
ab thoda sa darr ke bhi jeene ko jee chahta hai..

kinare pe khade yoon dekhte hi rahe hum,
ab kood ke tair jaane ko jee chahta hai..

na chaha tha tune, na hum kuch bole,
aaj fir bhi sab kuch keh jane ko jee chahta hai.

ruka tha main, jo tune bola,
aaj chalte rehne ka jee chahta hai..

zindagi hai ek,
bas jee jaane ko jee chahta hai.
chahe jaisi bhi ho,
bas jee jaane ko jee chahta hai..

khade the asmaan ke kinare,
ab gir ke udte rehne ka jee chahta hai..

The Verdict

2010-09-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

I just got a message on my phone sent in public interest by Vodafone (I guess!!!), it read, “Do not react to senseless SMS targeted to create rift in the name of 24th Verdict.” Verdict!? For what!? Killing thousands of people in the name of something intangible? Couldn’t we very well see that certain people were getting annihilated for having a name which sounded a little different from somebody else’s. Do we need a 20 year long trial for genocide?
The whole country is looking forward to or maybe not, the verdict on Babri Masjid(oh, or am I supposed to refer to it as Shri Ram Janam Bhoomi?). Instead of accepting the verdict by the country’s judiciary system, our noted leader, Mr. L K Advani has already stated that they would move to the apex court. I just hope they do that rather than annihilating scores of innocent people (cos I don’t wanna get killed for keeping a French beard and saying salaam aleykum(which literally means may peace be upon you)) for their voracious appetite for power or money or whatever. Can’t he see that we have bigger problems in our country like illiteracy, farmer suicide, food-water shortage, unemployment, famines, floods, insanitary living conditions? Why are our politicians so blind? Or I guess they are just not into it!!!
However, I guess I have gamut of ‘maybe’ solutions post-24th verdict to save innocent lives from these blood sucking monsters.
1) UID!! This can be a solution!! Maybe we can assign numbers to people, so then they won’t be judged by their names and killed. “Hi I am 50047612458, please don’t kill me.”
2) Maybe we can have a school or a hospital named, Ram-Rahim hospital, or maybe inscribe Ram-Rahim on every brick that is used to lay the building. Maybe that will make them think twice before tearing down the building.
3) Maybe we can follow the genocidal path of our great leaders and give them a taste of their own modus operandi. Kill-em all, our great leaders, our legal extremist groups, groups which spread communal discord, ones who sell death in the name of god, corrupt officials etc. and make the world a better place to live in.
Maybe then I’ll get a message from Vodafone as a public notice. “Welcome to the new world order, a better place to live in.”

WHAT IF WE COULD EAT MONEY?

2010-09-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

The question seems to be coming back to me time and again. Can we eat money? Would the Homo-Sapiens finally evolve to the point where all they can eat is money or as a matter of fact gold, silver, platinum or diamonds or may be designer clothes, shoes, fancy handbags??!(Hey, McDonalds is just round the corner man!! What are you talking about?? ).Would we have food problems then? Probably then we would be assured that generations to come would have enough to survive (we can print our own money can’t we?! Then there is always some mendicancy)
After working for almost 2 years in an MNC, I went back to my native place and finally decided to pay a visit to my long forgotten village. Enthralled with memories of green tracts of land, fresh air and running water from the tubewell filled me with puerile excitement. However I was appalled to see demarcations for new residential and industrial plots being done right through the fertile arable land. Upon talking to the denizens I got to know that the government was buying the land forcefully from the farmers and giving them marginal amount for a specified unit of land. A cousin of mine also pointed out to a house built in the demarcated area, which was apparently archaic, torn down and the occupants forced to move out after being paid compensation for that. How much worth can you give for the memories of your homeland??
My question was, what about farmers with a marginal piece of land and a family to feed?? Where would he go? What would he eat? What would the cities eat? What would the country eat? What would the coming generations eat? May be we are evolving and it’s just me who can’t observe it. May be I am against the development and I am too afraid to accept the change. I also scorned after spotting a makeshift bank in the village, where there is hardly any sanitation system or water or even a proper hospital. The farmers (ex-farmers) are getting rich by selling their land, so they need a bank now. The irony is that the uninformed and ignorant farmer thinks that it’s good to have a lump sum amount of money rather than his own land, however he has no idea what to do with it (which obviously won’t last long) and our apparently well informed brass is trying to cope with problems of food security and imports as more than half the population goes hungry, it is still busy taking up arable land to give to industries and make houses(shooting in the foot literally!!!). Not to mentions just few days back our noted leader quoted that land acquisition would be restricted to unfertile land for industrial setup.(Hah!!! examples Galore!!)
I recently saw this movie Peepli Live, however there were not many takers for it as unlike to the phenomenal non-sensical hit which has just hit the box-office! But those who have seen the former might know what I am talking about. Ignorance is bliss, that’s all I can feel right now.
My question is for how long? How long before we realize that there are over half a billion people in this country who sleep without food at night? How long before we realize that lakhs of metric tonnes of food is rotting in open? How long before we realize that we can’t eat money? How long before we realize that future generations would curse us? How long before we realize that we might starve ourselves to death before an Armageddon?
But then I think. What if we could eat money? May be i'll give it a try...

hawa saa ban jab udta tha main...

2010-08-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

baarish ki un boondon main jab,

hum wo bheega karte the,

har shaam dhale hum uske aanchal,

main hi khela karte the.

Suraj ki kirano ki wo,

kilkariyan jo chubha karti thi,

har shaam dhale hum,

yoon hi chup kar unko dhoondha karte the.

Mann tha tab thoda sa chanchal,

thodi hulchul ab bhi si hai,

thode hum the pagal tab se,

par shayad ab kasar nahi hai.

bejaan hai tu,

ya hum hi thame hain,

anjaan hai tu,

ya hum hi pare hain.

tere iss intezaar main,

lagta hai ki hum hi khade hain.

Tere hi uss aangan se hum,

dhoop sameta karte the,

jaane wo sab kahan gaya,

jab ghaas main leta karte the.

baarish ki wo boondein thi wo,

jinko hum pakda karte the,

shayad wo ik hawa si hai ab,

jispe hum jiya sa karte the.

mann tha tab thoda sa chanchaal,

thodi hulchul ab bhi si hai,

thode hum the pagal tab se,

par shayad ab kasar nahi hai

ghost of the unborn

2010-03-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

peeping through the windows of the world
i see what you cant see.
Never been there
will never be.
Never worn a piece
never torn a peace
neither m tired
nor m worn.
you will never see me,
cos m the ghost of the unborn.

hatred and fallacy
i have never seen.
i could have been you
or may be even me.
but never got a chance
to be what you could never be.

I sit here all alone
away from the
misery of the world so torn.
but m still m there for u cant see,
cos m the ghost of the unborn.

i might have lived to be born,
but m jst the ghost of the unborn.

impetus

2008-05-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

looking in the eye.
m not afraid.
u be death. u be life.
m not scared.
give me worse n i'll rise through.
give me the pain, it ll subdue.
shattered and broken u see me.
jst an illusion.
take a look and fall out of delusion.

m the force you ve never seen.
m d place u ve never been.
m d beast inside ur head.
n d priest over ur shade.

bow down.
give in to the ghoul,
give me ur soul n ill devour.
feeding the thought and savourin d desire.
i'll break u out of existence.
and wipe the faith of ur persistence.
shattered and broken u see me.
jst an illusion.
take a look and fall out of delusion.

CoNJuGatiOn

2007-12-14T11:01:00.000-08:00

emBRaCinG;OverWHelMING..
thE DaRKness SO sOOTHing...
touches the light within,

engulfing it in itself..
drinking every drop of it
the darkness turns light itself

not to dim
not to benight
but to keep it vivid and bright...

drinking the darkness
eating the light
standing on the brink of day and night....

Burning the self,
for churning the light.
enwrapping the self

for hiding the sight,
of whats that is there
deep down inside,

the DArkness within
or
the FiRe InSiDe....

Ablaze

2007-11-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

she covers herself
with d blanket of darkness
revealing herself
to the airy ablaze.

with the cold seeping in
she caress him
with the tender touch
abrasive sometimes

wails of night
fall to her ears
with the sound of laughter
that give her a cheer

some sell some fight,
n some just burn
to see the winter day's light.
but he sits there

far from the day
far from the night,
he, who doent burn mid-night lamp
or day time plight ,

in her lap
far from the day
far from the night,

...

2007-06-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

duniya ki iss bheed main
kyon chillati hai ye khamoshiyan
har us agle mod pe
kyon dhagti hai ye nadanian.

rota hoon main sissak sissak ke
jo dekhu us haste chehre ko.
jo haste to hai par hoti hai usme pareshaanian.

likhta hoon main apni kismet.,
naa jaanu main un lakeeron ko,
jinpe chalte hain log
pakde apni zanzeeron ko.

zakhmo ko kureda maine
apne dard ko mitane ke liye.
apno ko hi choda maine,
apne banane ke liye.
ab chalta hoon in rahon main
tanha ekdum.
sunta hua un khamoshiyon ko
jo karrahati hai
duniya ki iss bheed main.

serenity painted death

2007-01-14T09:54:00.000-08:00

another quiet evening has begun n he sat there counting each tick that came from a rusty old clock that hung in d corner of his room. the clock wasnt the only rusty old thing, there was a closet which he seldom opened n there was a squeaky chair kept alongside a cheap study table which had a opening drawer which never worked wen needed. his room was quiet lively, he thought, painted with yellow, which looked pale due to its longevity and dimly lit bulb which was the only bearer of the light force in his room which otherwise had acquired a ghastly appearance. serene and quiet, but more in as unnatural way which gave out an errie silence almost deafning him at times.
that was not only the case with his room, the house itself was very quiet and seemed at peace. a peacefullness that was so aggresive that he thought of fleeing at times. but he didnt, knowing that only he could do something about it. he had to believe, in himself, and not jst try but he had to. there was no scope for trials, either it was done or not done.

it was a quiet winter evening when everything was normal in such an aberrant way that it disturbed him. "why was it so?" he thought to himself. "why is this normal?" he questioned, directed to nobody. as the evening sun shone red, he rose above the normal being and eyed for a better place, a place which was quite still not deafning. the sun gave out its light to him, he could feel the warmth n still caress the cool breeze. there he was where he wanted to be. the horizon was still too far and the birds flocked yet astray. the clouds were like a whirpool of colors having a tinge of orange n peach. the whirlpools of colors kept movin in his direction n he felt as if he could fly jst by spreadin his arms. the horizon figthin to tame the sun but he kept evadin it, the sign of the mortal beings still showed at the end. sanity they called it, from there he could see the 'frayed ends of sanity'. careless strokes of silver brushes in the sky made him feel he was part of it. we all are. the golden streaks turning into firey dragons caught his eye. as he drifted in this new world he wished it could b for d whole world. he couldnt hear the sounds below or the
mourning, complainin, chaterring, shouting, whispering, whining nor the sound of that deafning quiteness he was used to. it was all so beautiful n amazing. until the sun started givin up d fight n d golden streaks slowly turned to soft violet , n clouds looked more like fluffy toys from d the stores he used to peek into. and then there was darkness and still he was amazed at the beauty that it was all worth it. and "serenity painted death" once again.

eyes II

2007-01-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

face lit with a gracious smile.

and eyes telling a truthful lie..

here she comes sparkling from a mile..

from a mile, she lives n comes alive.

from the fathom..

shes dead n struggles to fight.

with the pain in eyes,

thats so easy and so difficullt to hide.

oh god, i could see the ocean..

as the waves they appear from behind..

as she passes me by..

DEATH oh i saw death once,

in those eyes..

now its d sparkle of a thousand stars minus the sky.

but void still looms n i could see it right.

that d hope is still fightin

fightin that disguise.

d world would pray n pray would she.

for the life she had, and life to be.

the eyes would then jst shine so bright

like a million stars minus the sky...

Casualty Words...

2006-11-06T10:28:00.001-08:00

this work is inspired by a work of art.. a beautiful painting depicting a moment in a person's life when he is bout to fall into the miseries of the world n the darkness awaits him.. its showes that very moment when he fears fallin into this darkness but he holds on to his string of hope n is glad to ve this life...

Blind faces in the sea
await me as i try to break free...
tear drops sweat me
but the sun is what i dont see.
falling with broken wings
m falling away from me.
weathered and swayed
the faces they call upon me.

cos hope is what i have
and faith is what i need.
as this life is still.
and it'll always be with me.

black and swollen
they stretch their hands for me.
and i keep falling,
falling away from me.
winds dont want me
but sky is what i'll keep.
gravity takes charge
but its earth what i'll flee.

cos hope is what i've.
and faith is what i'll keep.
as this life is still.
and it'll always be with me...

C NBC...

hmmmm...

2006-09-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

why is it that i m writin again.
i hope it is not cos of this pain.
why is it that my pen needs to bleed.
i hope its not cos of the hate that i breed.
why is it that i always have this smile.
i hope its not cos of the pain gushing inside.
why is it that it hurts so much when it rains.
i hope its not cos of the broken glass flowin in my veins.

why, why is it that my heart still weeps.
when i have this smile n the light still sweeps.
why is it so that m all alone.
i hope its not cos this crowd in which i've been thrown.
why is it so that m still writin this verse.
i hope its not cos of the ocean that swirls.

i dont kno why i still bear this smile.
when i feel like killin the person inside.
now i kno why m writin again.
n its not cos this swarmin pain.
now i kno why my pen wants to bleed.
n its cos of the hate that u breed.
n now i can see the glass flowin in my veins.
cos it gets out wen it begins to rain.

now i kno why my heart still weeps.
cos its to happy to see that u can still sleep.
n now i kno why m so alone.
its cos i love n love to be the same.
i hope m still the same.
or is it that i've taken a trip n goin down d drain...

sleep

2006-08-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

i woke up to ur sound again...
not from d fathoms of ur soul..
but the noise of crushin leaves...
crumbling under ur departing feet.....
still my obscured vision...
sees a figure, paling away in black.
n still my mind...
opaque with that image...
gives me peace n some relief...

woke, i woke up again...
to my freezing breath...
dreamt of ur caress in d corners of my mind..
but i woke up to such a cold gushin out inside...
but slept i slept cos i dreamt of u...
still shiverin of d frigidity u had in u...
still oblivious of the fact...
that it was not a dream though...

i woke up to this bitter taste this time...
it was a dream in which i had cried...
bleached but i could taste d sour...
had this ocean surging...
but not a drop of tear...
mind still opaque to ur soul...
n the soul is screamin that its lone...
i woke to this dream again,
had a drape n i was runnin low.
with d hearse going..
by i saw this corpse lyin...
it was so much i had had in my mind...
but then suddenly i saw u...
n then i knew y u were cryin...........

when you were mine...

2006-07-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

there was this time...
when you were mine...
i had you...
and the world was mine...
loved u a lot...
had no doubt in my mind...
that was the time when you were mine...

there was this time...
when you were mine...
when the flowers bloomed...
and the sun used to shine...
but the love you gave...
was it ever mine???

there was no time...
when you were mine...f
ell, you fell like d leaves from me...
died i died slowly as d autumn tree...
as if the sun which shone...
was never there for me...
pain i got was from you...
peace i made was for you...
guess i've left you somewhere behind...
cos there was this time...
when you were mine...

who you are????

2006-07-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

when you open your eyes,
you are what you like.
you come into this world,
n everything seems alright.
the first step takes you there,
n you guess dats all your might.

live you live lookin for a cause,
but all you do is jst follow a clause.
u open ur eyes again, & think..
r u who u want??
r u who u like?
think again.
is this all ur might???

you live in misery n pain.
n all you think bout is," wish u could complain".
you learn to live with it n dont restrain.

ask ur self again..
are you who you wanna be???
or is it jst dar you follow up
n waitin to flee..
all ur life u hue n cry ,
n forget in this run for what u desire.

ask ur self again,,
wen u open ur eyes,
are u who u wanna be??
is this d life u wanna live???
is this whou wanna be??

kalam

2006-06-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

aaj phir kuch kalam ne kehna chaha.
jo tha zahan main use kuredna chaha.

bahut roka maine par vo chal hi pada.
maine jo haath thamna chaha.

yun hi baitha main dewar ko dekhun.
phir main uske as par ko dekhun.

pas mere sab kuch, par jane kyon main cheekhoon
main bhi insaan hun hoon to phir kaise seekhoon.

rota chilata main khamosh raha.
jane kab tak is sailab ko seechoon.

sahta raha jane kyon main khamoshi se.
aakhir kab tak main usko bahne se rokun.

nikal pada vo ik din, jane anjaane main.
par jane na diya maine bhi yun hi mehkhane main.

aab sonchu kyon ye kalam rukti nahi.
ise pata nahi ki ye rag ab dhukhti nahi.

tabhi is kalam ne aaj kuch kehna chaha.
jo zahan main tha use kuredna chaha.

shayad

2006-06-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

Shayad vo ek mausam hit tha.
ik pal sard aur dooje main barsa hi tha.

jane to us sard hawa main kitna moti dhoonde.
is khauf main tha man ki phir sab kuch bahe jayega.

ik pal main bheega dooje jala,
phir bhi jane kyon vo mujhpe yun hi chala.

jane kyon phir bhi lagta hai ki vo ik mausam hi tha.

jane suraj mujhpe itna raushan kyon tha,
shayad vo bhi us mausam ka ek gune tha.

kaash ke jhonka hawa ka main bhi hota,
to saath uske naam mera bhi hota
main bhi phir shayad uska ik chehra hota .

shayad phir vo samajhta meri khamoshi
aur mujhse bhi kuch kehta hota.

shayad main hi kuch khudgarj tha.
manga jo maine vo uska dard tha.

pyaar diya usne par shayad vo ek karz tha
diya to maine bhi jaise vo mera farz tha.

par shayad vo ek mausam hi tha.
ik pal barsa aur dooje main sard hi tha...

eyes...

2006-05-09T13:56:00.001-07:00

eyes, oh those eyes

those abysmal eyes.

oh dear lord ,

they took me by surprise

but when i took the plunge.

i saw the hide....

went straight through me

like a thought

left me wonderin

if they were real or not

oh i still went on

thought i would find no end

and deep they were, just pretend

oh those eyes

those abysmal eyes.

crahesd in them

scratched and bruised.

withered i was in those boggy eyes

still they went, straight through me

eyes , oh those abysmal eyes

still i wish for those wishful eyes

and still i wish to drown and die.

even though i kno how she went through me

i looked at her and she looked at me.

and there i was with my feeble knees.

couldnt stand but didnt fall,

cos they were not profound after all..........

cant think of any title

2006-04-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

she sees the world from a different eye
wonders if its true or jst a big lie.
waits, she waits for darkness to fall,
cos tired she is, for the take is too small.
she cant even walk now, cos its gettin easier to crawl
she gave it all away and we go astray
we kill her over and over
all we have is betrayal.

she weeps silently not alone yet in isolation
she has wounds and she screams in desolation
screams, she shivers from her own demise
cos she knows we ll be doomed at her price
rusted and weathered she hangs on
still wonderin if she will carry on
for the worlds too dumb to care for her
but m still wonderin if could find the prefect metaphor!!!!

for a while...

2006-02-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

wish it would all slow down for a while.
so i could jst lay down for a while,
been dyin for so long,
wish i could jst live for a while .

had been blinded by the lights,
wish i could see for a while.
they say m perfect,
wish i could 'be' for a little while.

livin this life i taught a lot,
wish i could learn for a while.
was surrounded by death,
now its life for a little while.

ve taken a lot,
its time to give for a little while.
life was flashing by,
now i'll have this moment for a little while.

lifes all been black,
i'll paint yellow for a little while.
wish if could stop wishin for a while,
so i jst might walk another mile.

and it was almost over...

2006-01-28T11:30:00.000-08:00

it was 9 in the morning, n she was shook by the reminder she had set for her scheduled meeting at 9.30.
she took off the hand from over her of the man that lay beside her, and she slipped out of the bed to get ready.
she had a gala time last night, like she used to have almost every night, party, booze, hanging out with numerous preety preety boyfriends, and he was one of them. she got ready in a flash and there she was dashing like a wild stallion, ready to burn down everyone who set eyes on her. she had everything a girl would ask for looks, brains and money. She was AKANKSHA.
she left the house in a hurry for the meeting and made it on time, every one seemed to be awed by her presence. All the females looked upto and down upon Akanksha, as she had everything that they wished for and wanted to be as happy as she was, she was their "Akanksha".
and then it was dark and she came back to her house which was now empty. i wished she had a home. she took out some food from the refrigerater and sat in front of the TV checking her voice mail, and she had two messages from her mom. she always got the msgs, but never cared to reply back. thats the way she was.
she didnt felt like eatin that night, so she lit up a ciggarate and sat in the balcony of her 9th floor apartment. she has been tryin desperately to go off to sleep for few years now, but now she had an aid, so she popped two sleeping pills and went to sleep.
she was beautiful from outside and hollow from inside, too depressed, lonely and scared from something(what even she didnt knew that). she used to sit in her room and stare at the ceiling as if someone was calling to her some mystic devilish power wanting her to cling to the miseries of her perfect life. she was so trodden that it happened one day, Akanksha, decided to die. That night she took an overdose of her sleeping pills...
and there she was in wonderland, she could see the white light coming from the end of the long dark tunnel, and she could saw white clad figure approaching her, and a voice from some distance enquired,"How are you feeling dear?" She murmered," i ve a terrible headache." And when she thought it was all over and opened up her eyes, she found herself lying on bed no. 7, of the local hospital's ward, with no one but the nurse standing by her side. The doctor told her that she has been saved but the pills had had an adverse affect on her body system and that she would not live for more than a week, and she gently smiled...
she had been tryin so hard to live, and now suddenly she was so happy, not because she was bout to die but because she had learned to live after coming back from death. she had never felt so joyful ever before, and she lived her life until her end, and then there was light...

Mumbai se aya mera dost(m ma friend)

2006-01-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

hey people.. i jst came back from bombay from a very short trip.
i liked the place and i liked the people as well, but as i said it was a very short trip so i was in a hurry all the time. but i surely wish to go back again there with my friends as i would be awesome. n jst to mention the place is very beautiful by night.

what u have to say?

2006-01-02T10:17:00.000-08:00

hey people... enough of all the negativity..
take a good look at the pic, and let me kno wat u can make out of it...

2005-12-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

it was much of a howl that i could hear, and he was still howling...
i went through the door and shooed him off, and off he ran, like he had seen the devil in me, how could i let her be disturbed, i cared for her a lot, wish i could tell her that.
i came back into the room where she lay so peacefully, i was awed at the serenity she had on her face, but how long would it last...? my mind was wandering here and there filled with thoughts, still tryin to fight back, still not ready to accept the idea that if you are fighting to live then its better to die, and there i was fighting against time as the clock sped past me at twice the speed, i found myself standing in this dark room right next to her as she had stood by my side for so long, i sat next to her with all the memories swarming in my head, almost gave me a headache to which i was accustomed. then suddenly i said to myself," why is it so cold in here? its august for god's sake." i still had that sinking feeling inside of me cos i failed to tell her how much i cared and how much i loved, but i never really showed that.
was it too late? will she hate me like she did. wished i could change somethings before leaving so that she
could tell everyone how i was, how i lived, and how i died tryin....!
please pray to the great lord for my soul...
RIP

just another night

2005-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

It was just another night, while i was talking to a friend... She was mad at me and i didnt know why.
Just like all the people who were close to me. Suddenly the lights went off and i didnt even got a chance to say that m sorry and i care.
There was an uneasy stillness in my room, felt like there was an ocean roaring... I could hear it and i could see
it, there was something that filled my room and was overpowering me, i decided to lay down on my bed to relax and i could feel her laying right beside me, she was cold, she was never so cold...
my eyes kept on scavenging in my room filled with something which makes some afraid and others peaceful,
for me it was something different...
then suddenly the barking of the street dog tore into the silence of the place, which shook me up a bit, i turned back to her thinking that it was just another night...
but i was wrong, like always...